The Cake Used to be Reality
by Unruly Scrawler
Summary: Zelda, Marth, Roy, Link, Young Link and Pichu all go on a road trip after making a deal with Peach. But what is the deal? And what does it have to do with cake? Zelda/Marth pairing. Rated for some language and other stuff.
1. Prologue

For anyone who's read my first fanfic, I know that one's not done. But I did this one over the summer and actually finished it. There's maybe ten chapters in total, give or take. I'll post a new chapter every second day (though by the time someone reads this, they might all be out). So if anyone's wondering, this one will actually by completed- it is completed, I just haven't editted everything yet. Speaking of editting, I'm sure I have a bunch of errors in here because I kind of only skimmed it for editting. Please do your best to ignore them!

READ THIS PART: I have the characters with similar personalities to my last fanfic, so Zelda and Marth don't get along to well, Link's in love with Zelda but is rebuffed continuously, Young Link and Link are brothers, Pichu and Young Link are friends, etc. Ok, so I guess this part wasn't so important. Ah well, just wanted to steady a starting point. Oh, and this one's set BEFORE BRAWL. Though Brawl's awesome too, but I miss Roy, Young Link and Pichu. :( Also, the rating's for some language, some violance, a lot of Zelda delivered abuse, and some other stuff. Not too big a deal. Now I'm done. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Smash Bros. or anything affiliated with the game, nor do I own the high-power motor, though I really wish I did.

* * *

It all started yesterday, when Peach invited Zelda to tea...

Normally, the Princess of Hyrule wouldn't attend a tea party by request, especially coming from a pink tart like Peach, but one final line had been added to the letter that changed everything.

_There will be cake._

As much as Zelda felt like she was selling out and letting herself be manipulated, she couldn't help it. There would be cake.

And if there wasn't, heads would roll.

So when tea time came around, Zelda went to the mansion Peach had Mario and Luigi build for her next to the Smash Bros. Headquarters. When she arrived at the tea room, however, it wasn't just Peach, Mario and Luigi that she found.

"What is _he _doing here?" Zelda demanded, jabbing a finger at the blue haired prince sitting on one of the settees.

Marth, made aware of Zelda's presence by her uproarious shouting, slanted his eyes at the Hyrulian Princess, then Peach who was blinking in surprise at Zelda.

"What do you mean Zeldy? It said on the letter he would be."

"No it didn't!" Zelda exploded, pulling out the letter, "I have it right here!"

"Oh, no need for that!" Peach piped, snapping a finger at Luigi who was cowering in a corner of the room, sitting next to a tied up Mario, "I have a copy of what I sent you right here!"

Luigi, realizing his order, jumped up and raced out of the room. Peach continued beaming at Zelda while Mario struggled against his bonds and let out muffled cries into the stocking stuffed in his mouth. Zelda, Marth and Peach all ignored him.

"But I have the letter right here!" Zelda persisted, holding up the pink envelope. Peach, still smiling, yanked a tasselled cord beside her chair. A high-power motor started somewhere in the floor and a bullet bill launched itself up directly underneath the letter Zelda held out, blasting it away.

Zelda guffawed, Marth wore an expression between boredom and irritation.

Peach continued to beam.

There was silence, then the bullet bill hit the ceiling, sending chunks of mosaic tiles to the floor. Silence again. Then running footsteps could be heard from the hall. Luigi emerged moments later, hurrying to Peach and handing her a yellow envelope.

"Here," Peach said, holding out the letter, "The exact same one."

Striding forward with a scowl, Zelda snatched away the envelope and pulled out the letter. Scanning it, she found the contents did indeed mention Marth's presence, and that coming would mean accepting the task Peach had for them. It was like a business proposal, printed off and signed by a witness (Luigi) at the bottom, with Zelda's own name of acceptance below that, written in the same scrawl as Luigi's.

Basically, a completely different letter.

"See," Peach gushed, pointing at her name, "You even signed it!"

Zelda, about to say (shout) something, changed her mind and dropped on the settee, as far away as she could from Marth, and rubbed her temples, "Look, it doesn't matter. Where's the cake?"

Peach smiled cheerily at her, "Oh Zeldy, you must be mistaken. There isn't any cake."

Zelda's eyes shot open. Staring from tray to tray on the table, she found biscuits, cookies, brownies, scones, muffins, even pie. But there was, in fact, no cake.

Zelda placed a hand over her heart. She couldn't breath, "No..." Zelda gasped, eyes wide, "No cake...?"

"Nope!" Peach replied, chipper as she held out the letter, "Why? Did you think I said there would be cake?"

Zelda gingerly took the letter, reading and rereading it. There was no mention of cake. Not even an insinuation about cake. No cake. No. Cake.

None. At all.

The cake... was a lie?

Marth raised an eyebrow at Zelda, who was presently tipping back and fourth on the settee, looking dazed.

Sure, he'd been disappointed too. But he hadn't reacted that badly. At least, he hoped he hadn't... After Peach told him there was no cake, everything kind of... went black.

Marth lost ten minutes of his life that day. Ten minutes he would never, ever get back.

Peach clasped her hands together, regarding the two, "Ok! Now that we all understand each other, and I have your names in writing, why don't you get going?"

"To where?" Marth asked when Zelda continued teetering.

"To get what you promised to get me!" Peach exclaimed, snapping her fingers at Luigi, who ran off again. Peach then proceeded to waltz around the room, looking dreamily at nothing, "I really want it- actually no, I _have _to have it before the next tournament. It's mandatory. I can't fight without it."

Marth was of the opinion Peach couldn't fight anyways. But he wasn't about to voice this. Not after the bullet bills.

Luigi returned soon, with a rolled up map.

"This," Peach said, taking the item from Luigi, "Is a rolled up map."

"Got that." Marth stated.

Peach ignored him, waltzing around with the map, "This rolled up map will guide you to the thing I want. It's like a compass, of sorts."

"No." Marth said, "It's a map."

Peach ignored him. Eyes sparkling, Peach held the map high and whirled around, "It will guide you to the one thing you truly want, this rolled up map! Just open your heart to it, and this rolled up map will lead you to it!"

"Cake." Zelda said, sitting up straight.

"Girls." Roy said, appearing behind the sofa.

"Money." Pichu said, sitting on Roys head.

"Marth." Young Link said, popping up next to Marth, who jumped. "Marth!" Young Link exclaimed in elated surprise, leaping forward to wrap his arms around Marth, who ducked just in time. Young Link flew over him, knocking into Zelda at the other end of the settee.

Zelda's eyes flashed. Young Link shrieked.

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Marth demanded, glaring at Roy for a response. The redhead shrugged, while Pichu jumped down onto the settee. She plopped down, adjusted her green backpack, and faced Marth.

"We heard you guys were going on a trip." Pichu said to Marth, "And that there was free food involved. Young Link," Pichu went on, turning to the boy who was covering his eyes, peeking through his fingers, and screaming at Zelda's death glare repeatedly. Pattern broken, Young Link turned to Pichu.

"Pass me a piece of cake." the pokemon ordered.

"The cake is a lie." Zelda whispered, suddenly desolate again.

"Then get me that scone." Pichu instructed instead, jabbing with a stubby finger. Young Link obliged and passed her the scone. She took a bite and promptly spit it out, going out of her way to turn towards Young Link so it would land on him. "Stale. I want cake."

"Why am I following your orders anyways?" Young Link whined to the pokemon.

"Because you're too slow to object to a request and are only realizing now that you can." Pichu replied, then gestured to the table again, "Get me that cup."

Young Link passed her the cup. Pichu took a sip of tea and promptly spit it out, going out of her way to turn towards Young Link so it would hit him. "Stale. I want cake."

"It's a lie!`Mario yelled, having finally bitten through the stocking.

Peach, beaming at the group, pressed a large red button on the arm of her chair. A pipe started rising out of the floor, below Mario, until he was completely out of sight. His screams could be heard then, slowly getting fainter as he fell... somewhere.

Peach was still smiling, "I think it`s about time you were all on your way. The map will help you and I have a car waiting outside."

"I refuse." Zelda refused.

"I do as well." Marth said as well.

"I dunno," Roy scratched the back of his head, sitting on the arm of the settee, "She is a chick..."

Marth elbowed him.

"I also refuse."

"If Marth ain't doing it, I ain't doing it!" Young Link piped up.

"We weren't even asked, idiots." Pichu said, scowling from Young Link to Roy, then back to Peach with a glint in her eye: "But for the right price..."

"Fine, if you guys won't do this out of the good of your hearts..." Peach sniffed, dramatically wiping her eyes, "I guess I'll have to... GOD DAMMIT!"

"What?" Roy asked when nobody else showed any interest.

Peach had her hand clasped over her left eye, "Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it... I POKED MY EYE!"

"This, as well, failed to elicit a response. Zelda continued toying with a fire ball. Young Link and Pichu were playing solitaire. Marth was sleeping."

"I'm not sleeping Roy. Stop narrating."

"Sorry."

Peach, by now, had recovered and was smiling her wide, glossy smile, "So, as I was going to say before I was rudely interrupted..."

"You interrupted yourself." from Pichu.

"_So _interrupted yourself." from Young Link.

"You really shouldn't cut yourself off like that." from Roy.

"It is rather rude." Zelda observed, deciding to join in.

Everyone looked at Marth, "I have no comment on the matter."

"Damn it Marth!" Roy exclaimed, "You ruined the pattern!"

Peach cleared her throat, "Like I was saying, before being interrupted a second time... Will you all take on this job if I give you cake?"

Zelda's head snapped up.

Marth blinked lazily at Peach, "Even if you say that, we're not going to-"

"Pichu!" Zelda shouted to the pokemon beside Marth.

"Right!" Pichu yelled back, understanding immediately what Zelda wanted her to do. Squeezing her eyes shut, Pichu sent a lightening bolt at Marth.

And with that, another ten minutes or Marth's life was gone. Lost. Forever. Never to be reclaimed. No matter how hard he tried.

Before Peach could blink, Zelda was shaking her hand, brows knitted seriously, "We'll get your important whatever it is, in exchange for cake."

Peach recovered from her fazed state and smiled, "I'm so glad! I'll have the cake made especially for you after you get back!"

Realizing this was as fair as the offer would get, Zelda nodded and pulled back her hand. "Come on." she ordered the others, "We've got a job to do."

And so Zelda and her party (Young Link dragging Marth) left Peach's mansion to prepare for the journey ahead.

"Somewhere, below the floor, a distant voice could be heard calling, 'The cake is a liiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!'

"But alas, our heroes didn't hear this warning in time."

"Roy, really. Stop it."

"Sorry."

* * *

So that's the prologue. The next chapter will be up within two days. Review if you like (it would be nice), but I can't say you'll get cake if you do._ I_ don't even have cake. Though now I really, really want some...


	2. Chapter 1

Since I'm a day late putting this up, I'm going to post Chapters 1 and 2. I've been trying to get this posted for awhile now, but my internet connection has decided that it's in a fowl mood today. I'm hoping it forgives me soon.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but if I haven't (or if you haven't read my other uncompleted fanfic) Marth LOVES coffee. And this note, if you're wondering, it about 12% more important than you think it is.

To Soul's Anima: Oh, they _adore_ their cake. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Smash Bros. or anything else that obviously isn't mine.

* * *

Zelda was ashamed to have taken Peach up on her offer. Truly and deeply ashamed. So ashamed it physically hurt...

"Link!" Zelda shouted, yanking the boomerang from under her, "Keep your stuff in the back seat or I'll roast you!"

"Take him outside first." Marth muttered under his breath, eyes on the road.

Link gulped at Zelda's threat and reached out to take the boomerang, but Zelda was glaring at Marth now, unintentionally holding the boomerang out of reach.

"What did you say?" she demanded, eyes sparking.

Marth (who was driving) didn't look at Zelda, "I said to take him outside. You don't want to set the car on fire."

Zelda's eyes blazed as she gritted her teeth, "You think I'd actually be stupid enough to do that, do you Marth?"

Marth made no reply.

"I don't like the way you're not replying to my question." Zelda snapped, reaching with her free hand for a thermos by her foot. Popping back the top, she took a sip, then promptly spit it out, going out of her way to bend over into the back seat so it would land on Young Link. She then proceeded to dump the rest of the contents out her window

"Bleh." Zelda articulately observed, sitting back down and wiping her tongue off on her arm, ignoring the squeals and shrieks coming from the cramped back seat, "That was gross. Tasted like coffee. Where's my chai?"

"Coffee?" Marth asked, brow twitching as he glanced at Zelda, with an expression not completely sane, "Did you say that was... coffee?"

Zelda, shifting her gaze to Marth, soon realized what he meant. "Oh." she said, unenthusiastically.

"_Oh_?" Marth demanded, voice growing shrill, "That was all I brought with me!"

"Shoulda brought more then." Zelda muttered, then louder, to the others, "Anyone see my chai thermos?"

"'Shoulda brought more'?" Marth repeated yet again, both eye and eyebrow twitching now, "It's because of you that I'm here!"

"That sucks." Zelda replied emotionlessly, uncorking the top of the thermos Pichu had passed her. She smiled, "Ah. Here it is."

Marth, irked at being ignored and being with the Hyrulian Princess altogether, grabbed the thermos from Zelda before she could take a drink and threw it out his own window.

Zelda was speechless.

But not for long.

In the back seat, Pichu handed out earplugs. They didn't block out the noise. That's why Pichu wore headphones instead, listening to the pokerap on repeat and screaming out "Pichu!" in place of "Pikachu" every time the part came.

"That's it!" Zelda finally shrieked, jabbing a finger at an upcoming gas station, "Stop the car! _Now_!"

Marth willingly obliged, and sighed with relief as Zelda pushed herself out of the car, Pichu quickly behind her, and slammed the door shut.

"Must be that time of the month." he muttered.

"What time of the month?" Young Link, who had taken out his not working earplugs, asked innocently.

Marth, Link and Roy glanced at Young Link and didn't say anything.

Seconds later, the car door was thrown open again, Zelda's angry face immediately coming into view. "And keep your stuff in the back seat!" Zelda yelled at Link, throwing the boomerang into the car and slamming the door.

And we all know what happens when someone throws a boomerang.

"Luckily for passersby, the car had soundproofing. Unluckily for Marth and the guys, the car had _very _good soundproofing..."

"Roy!"

"Sor- ouff..."

"What happened?"

"I did it Marth!" Young Link exclaimed joyously, "I caught the boomerang and threw it at Roy so he would shut up for you!"

"You caught it... and you threw it again?"

"Yeah! Yeah! All for you!"

And the last thing Marth saw when he turned around to shout at Young Link, was wood. Link, in the back seat, couldn't help but snicker. He might not have been the one to knock out Marth, but it was _his _weapon.

He was glad he'd agreed with Peach (even though Marth was driving) to be their driver now.

He wasn't when Young Link caught the boomerang again.

Five or so minutes later, Zelda and Pichu arrived back at the car with bags full of food and Roy's stolen credit card. Pichu climbed in back when Zelda opened the door, but the Hyrulian paused instead of sitting down.

"Link." she growled, "You're boomerang is on my seat again."

"Zelda..." Link murmured, voice weak and scratchy as he slowly regained consciousness, "Is that you, my lov-"

"Keep it back there." Zelda flicked the boomerang back, and the weapon hit Link square in the forehead, then ricocheted back to Zelda's still open hand. Frowning at it, she reached behind her chair and carefully laid it on the floor.

In the back, Pichu climbed over to Link, peering at is face, "I think he's dead, Zelda."

"Mmm-hmm." Zelda muttered, not really paying attention. She leaned back, waving a half eaten bar at Pichu, "Want some of my snickers?"

And, as any wise and intelligent pokemon would, Pichu accepted and no further questions were asked.

* * *

Now on to Chapter 2...


	3. Chapter 2

VERY VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: A tragedy occurred. I was editing (starting to edit) this chapter and everything that comes after it got deleted. In other words, I have to start this fanfic from scratch. I was really pissed off when it happened, because I have no back up copies, no notes on the story, nothing whatsoever. And I have a really shitty memory, let me tell you. But I'm going to try my best to rewrite it, maybe add a few more chapters, some more detail, more Marth/Zelda maybe? I'll think about. I just wanted to let anyone reading this know my updates are going to take a bit longer than I first thought. Sorry.

Now to the actually chapter. I'm putting the disclaimer at the end because I don't want to ruin what happens.

I'm really heartbroken. It was the first fanfic that I'd ever completed! :'(

* * *

They were on the freeway now, trundling along the deserted road. There was soft music humming from the radio, soft, soothing...

"I can't take it anymore!" Zelda exclaimed, pressing and holding her finger on the radios channel up button, "This instrumental crap is driving me insane!"

Marth, hunching over the wheel, glared at Zelda, "I'm driving. I pick." And he pressed the channel down button. Zelda refused to move her finger. Marth refused to move his.

In a few seconds, the radio started making buzzing sounds. Another second or so after that, the screen went blank and the car was filled with silence.

"Great!" Zelda exclaimed, throwing up her hands, "You broke it, you childish jerk!"

Marth just stared at her for a minute more, eyebrow twitching, then he tried the power button.

"Look." he said as the screen came on, "It's still working." But try as Marth might, there was no radio signal. He sighed, "I guess I'll have to put a CD in."

"Oh no you don't!" Zelda jabbed an accusatory finger at Marth, "Since the rest of us are stuck in here too, we'll have a vote on what to listen to! All five of us! Majority rules!"

Marth narrowed his eyes, "Fine."

"Um," Link ventured from the back seat, "What do you mean by five... oh you're not counting Roy."

Roy was sitting on the other side of Young Link in the back, his head against the window and snoring.

"Young Link." Marth instructed, "Wake him up."

"Yes sir!" Young Link saluted, before giving Roy a hard whack on the head. Roy shot up in his seat, blinking rapidly in confusion.

"So..." Link said sagely, "There's six of us now –"

"Ok." Zelda clapped her hands together, "Let the five of us start voting!"

"But Zelda..." Link objected, "Roy's awake now... wait, are you not counting the pokemon? That's a brilliant idea! I completely agree! They're more like pets than people so-"

"No." Pichu said, from where she was sitting on the dashboard playing with legos, "She's counting me."

"Any suggestions to start off?" Zelda asked happily.

"So you're not counting Marth? Or is it my brother? Because I completely agree with both! They're more like pets than people-"

"She's not counting you." Marth finally said, giving Link a tired look.

Immediately, the Hyrulian's eyes went wide, "But Zelda, my love! You can't do that! Look, I have a really great burned off CD right here!"

Before anyone could stop him, Link leaned forward and thrust the CD into the slot on the radio and pressed play. Seconds later the car was filled with the Ocarina of Time soundtrack.

"Hey..." Zelda said, surprised, "I actually like this."

"Yeah." Young Link agreed, swaying slowly in time with the melody, "It reminds me of my bedtime song."

"Ok! Who votes for this!" Zelda demanded, raising her hand along with the two Links, "It's a tie! Thus majority! Ok, voting has closed..."

"No." Marth interjected, ejecting the CD, "Link's vote doesn't count. So majority's against it. Next disk."

"What?" Zelda snatched the CD from Marth, "That's not fair! Link's as human as the rest of us (minus Pichu) so his vote should count as well!"

"You decided it." Marth countered, "And besides, aren't you guys elves, not humans? So technically, none of your votes count."

"I second that!" a sleepy Roy declared from the back, before his head hit the window and snores came from his throat.

"Now we're putting in _my _CD." Marth said slowly, as if talking to imbeciles, which he very well might be. Slipping in the disk and hitting play, Roy's Theme from the Fire Emblem soundtrack started playing.

Roy was awake in an instant, "I vote for this one!"

"I do as well." Marth agreed.

Everyone else glared at them.

"Everyone for?" Zelda asked. Marth and Roy raised their hands. "Everyone against?" everyone else raised their hands. Zelda smirked at a sullen Marth, "Majority rules."

"MY TURN!" Pichu declared, extracting a tarp from her backpack and throwing it over her lego work, like an artist would a painting, and nailing the tarp to the dashboard. The pokemon then waddled over to the edge of the dashboard and, taking out her own CD, put it into the slot.

"There's only one song on it." she explained before pressing play, "And it's on constant repeat."

A song none of the others had heard before started playing, "Pokemon, what happened to you?" by Alex Day. Everyone was quiet as it played through, listening carefully to the words.

By the end of it, Pichu, Link, and Marth (though he was trying to hide it) were crying.

"That was beautiful!" Link sobbed, and Pichu could only bite her trembling lip and nod in agreement.

Roy's eyes were wide, "That's... that's just pure genius!"

Marth discretely wiped his eyes, looking away.

"Marth, are you crying?" Zelda questioned

"No! Leave me alone!" Marth snapped, turning further away from Zelda. She smirked. His shoulders were shaking.

"I think we have a winner." Zelda proudly declared, "But let's have the vote. Everyone for?" everyone raised their hands. Except one person.

"Young Link?" Zelda demanded, suppressing fury as she glared at the boy with fiery eyes, akin to those of the other occupants.

Young Link stared at everyone staring at him, and gave a small shrug, "I didn't really get it."

"Pichu!" Zelda shouted.

"Right!" the pokemon exclaimed, picking up a large lego block and flicking it directly at Young Link's head. There was a thwack and Young Link slumped over.

"Alright!" Zelda exclaimed, "Young Link is unconscious and therefore his vote doesn't count! Majority rules!"

And with that, she hit play.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Smash Bros. nor anything else I referenced, but I especially don't own "Pokemon, what happened to you?". Alex Day owns that, and he and the song are both awesome. If you haven't heard of him or the song, you should go watch it right now. And by right now, I mean right this minute. Open up a new tab, go to youtube, and watch the video. Immediately. You will cry. Inside or out.


	4. Chapter 3

So here's the rewritten chapter 3 (not that you guys got to see the original). This one's not very long, but not many of the upcoming chapters will be. Just their short, daily antics. But quality not quantity, right? Speaking of quality, that's not quite up to par either in this chapter. To be perfectly honest, I just gave it a glance, so don't be surprised if you find numerous errors.

Thanks to those of you who commented, I really appreciate it! You're fantastic! ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Smash Bros. or rubix cubes or legos or Scribblenauts. There's some other stuff I don't own, but I can't remember what's in this chapter 'not mine' wise at the moment.

Enjoy!

* * *

The next morning, the car was relatively quiet. Zelda was up front, reading a book with an explicit adult cover. Young Link was in the back seat playing Scribblenauts on his DS. Roy, sitting next to him, was busy texting a girl he'd met at the last gas station. Link, on his other side, was trying to solve a lego rubix cube Pichu had given him.

For whatever reason, it just wouldn't work.

The little yellow pokemon herself was settled up on the dashboard, continuing her lego masterpiece.

And Marth? He was driving. Again.

Three days. Driving three days. Without coffee.

Suddenly, Zelda gagged and clamped her hand over her mouth, "Marth! Stop the car!"

Startled, Marth slammed his foot on the brakes, expecting Zelda to leap from the car and run to the nearest bush.

Instead, the Hyrulian Princess removed her hand from her mouth and quietly flipped a page of her novel.

Marth waited a moment, staring at her. She continued to read.

Becoming conscious of the knight beside her, Zelda glanced at Marth with a quirked eyebrow, "What?"

"Why did you want me to stop the car?" Marth demanded.

Zelda scowled as Marth, as if to say the answer should be obvious, "I was reading."

"Yes." Marth prompted, "_And_...?"

"And I get motion sickness." Zelda went on, her scowl deepening, "Now if you don't mind..." and with this, the Hyrulian Princess returned to her book.

Marth continued to gawk at her a moment, before exploding, "_Then why are you reading in a car?_"

Zelda simply turned her page.

Meanwhile, in the backseat, Link was feverishly trying to twist and turn the lego rubix cube, "Why isn't this working?"

No one answered him. Roy was still texting, and Young Link had his own problems.

"I can't figure it out!" Young Link finally wailed, close to tears.

Roy leaned over to peer at the screen, "What are you supposed to do?"

"Get the cat out of the tree!" the boy sobbed, "I've tried everything! I've tried putting a dog in the tree! I've tried dumping water on the cat! I've tried throwing rocks at it! I've even tried using a helicopter! Nothing will work!"

"Hm." Roy observed, stroking his chin, "Have you tried striking the tree with lightening?"

Up front, Marth started the car again. They'd only moved a few metres when Zelda covered her mouth again, "Stop the car!"

Marth didn't stop the car.

"It's not working!" Young Link cried from back.

"Why not try casting immunity on the cat, then striking the tree with lightening?" Roy offered.

Young Link hurriedly tapped a few buttons, then a seconds later: "It's not working!"

"Marth! Stop the goddamned car!"

"I think I've almost got it! Just one more blue..."

"It's still not working!"

"_Marth_!"

"Almost... got it..."

"_MARTH!_"

"I need more legos!" Pichu suddenly called, adding her voice to the fray, "Stop the car!"

The car stopped.

Zelda immediately returned to her novel. Roy took out his cell phone and started texting again. Young Link gave up and switched to tetris.

Pichu waddled forward and prodded Marth, who was slumped over the wheel, with her foot. Then she turned to the others, "Guys, he's asleep."

"How irresponsible." Zelda observed, flipping a page, "He should be driving."

And so they all sat there for awhile, doing what they had been doing. Eventually, Zelda decided they should get going again and got Roy to help her (do all the work in) putting Marth in the back seat.

They started out again; Pichu back to work with her legos, Roy driving, Young Link getting frustrated over tetris, Zelda listening to an audio of her book, Marth unconscious.

And Link?

It took so much brain power for Link to try and figure out the lego rubix cube that he went colour blind and believed that he had indeed completed it.

None of the others ever told him otherwise.

Actually, that's a lie. In turn, each of them crushed his hopes and dreams, leaving Link so crumpled and traumatized his systems shut down and he blacked out.

The only thing he remembered about that day was the completed rubix cube.

* * *

The end! Oh Link, things just aren't getting any better for you, are they? If only you had Navi there to help... I can't even pretend I'm being serious. Don't worry, nothing will get that bad for Link! Expect Chapter 4 some time or another in the next few days (probably not tomorrow, but maybe the day after- no gurantees). Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 4

So here's chapter 4, which I promised to put up some period of time ago. I'll warn you now, the editting is quite bad.

Disclaimer: I really don't get the point of putting one up every time. You guys won't miss them, will you?

* * *

Link was driving and everything was, surprisingly, going smoothly. That is, until Link collapsed against the wheel, blood gushing from his nose and mouth, his eyes rolled back in his head.

Roy, riding shot gun beside him, quickly kicked his foot off the pedal. The car came to a rickety stop a few feet off the road.

A few seconds later, Link shot up in his seat, hands plastered firmly over his eyes, "It's horrible! I've lost my purity! I can no longer marry my beloved Princess! I may as well just die!"

"Then do it quickly." Zelda replied from in back, paying more attention to her fingernails than Link, "And do it somewhere far away so I don't have to smell your rotting flesh."

Link began to sob, "I'm ruined! I no longer exist!"

The others ignored Link completely now. Marth staring out his window in back, Young Link staring at Marth, Zelda staring at her nails, and Pichu staring at her book up on the dashboard.

Roy sighed. He guessed it was another one of those situations where nobody else was going to speak up, "What are you talking about, Link?"

"That thing!" Link howled, brandishing a finger a few centimetres from Pichu, "That terrible, devilish creature!"

Pichu didn't even spare Link a glance.

From in back, Zelda sighed tiredly, asking in a disinterested manner, "Pichu, what are you reading?"

Pichu perked up and turned to Zelda, her eyes large and innocent as she held up her book, "An ecchi, smut, mature, yaoi, adult manga."

There was a long, stunned silence.

Young Link, who had been copying Marth's shocked expression for some time now dropped the act with a puzzled frown, "What's a-"

Marth quickly clamped a hand over the boy's mouth.

Focus still on Pichu, Zelda licked her lips, "Um, Pichu, you just graduated from...?"

"Preschool?"

"Right, preschool." Zelda continued gently, "Are you sure you should be reading that kind of thing?"

Pichu blinked her big black eyes twice, "Yes."

"Ok." Zelda murmured to herself, then clearing her throat, "Pichu, why don't you and Young Link step outside for a minute and give us... adults a minute to talk."

Pichu didn't reply a moment, then with a smile, "Sure Zelda! Come on Young Link! Let's go in the trunk!"

The boy complied and the two children clambered out of the car. Before Pichu left, Zelda plucked the manga from her paws, "Why don't you leave this with us?"

Pichu stared at her a moment, then something seemed to dawn on her, "Oh, I know what's going on! Link wants to borrow my manga, but he's too embarrassed about being indebted to a pokemon to say so!"

"No!" Link exclaimed hurriedly, "That's not it at all! I hate it!"

"Of course you don't. You had a nosebleed, that means you loved it." Pichu reasoned, then, with a mischievous grin, "And don't worry, I don't charge... much." before Link could say another word, the pokemon turned and left.

Once the four of them were alone, Zelda flicked the manga at Link, "Here. You can hold it, since you like it so much."

"But I-" Link began, then broke off. He'd glanced down to pick up the book and throw it away, only to find it was open on his lap. Link promptly collapsed in a mess of blood against the window, smearing the glass.

"Now let's see..." Zelda mused, "Pichu can't be reading this kind of stuff. But I'm not quite sure how we can get her to stop. Maybe we could... I've got it!" Zelda slammed her fist excitedly into her palm, "We'll begin by getting her to read novels like she's reading now, but without pictures, then slowly ease her off with adult romance, teen drama and eventually picture books!"

"So reverse her education?" Marth asked skeptically, "That's a _great _idea."

In repsponse to this, Zelda simply snapped her fingers. The edge of Marth's cape burst into flames and the knight yelped, hurrying to swat the fire out.

Zelda turned back to Roy, and the now conscious Link, "Any ideas? Remember, books kind of like what she's reading now, but not as bad."

The three thought a moment, then Link perked up.

"How about this!" he said, extracting a copy of Twilight from his tunic.

Roy regarded it unsurely, "I don't know Link, that's only insinuated yaoi. An expert like Pichu would notice the difference."

Link was crestfallen.

As the three continued brainstorming, Marth brushed at his bangs irritably, "I can't believe we've stopped for _this_."

Zelda scowled at him and set his bangs on fire, inches above his fingers. Then she turned back to Link and Roy, ignoring Marth's hurried actions. Meanwhile, Link couldn't control his laughter at watching the knight hitting his own forehead.

A moment later, Roy's eyebrows rose with an idea and he reached behind him to pull a marvel comic outside his bag, "How about this? 'Batman and Robin'."

"Hm..." Zelda contemplated the comic, then shook her head, "The pictures are the problem, remember? And besides, that's more sexual tension than anything else."

Roy sullenly agreed and put the comic away.

Marth, who hadn't dared to interrupt, finally took a leap while rolling his eyes, "Look, as much as I don't approve of what you guys are trying to do, we haven't moved an inch since this started, so how about..."

After Marth explained to them his idea, Zelda sent his pants on fire.

"Fu-" Marth began, quickly biting off his word as the fire flickered away, eyes burning with pain and fury into the Hyrulian Princess, "God damn it Zelda! Why did you have to set it _there_? Was my idea that bad?"

Zelda smirked in reply, "No, I liked it. That was a reward."

As Zelda left to get Pichu and Young Link, Roy burst out laughing at the deep blush on Marth's face, while Link frowned in befuddlement as to what had just taken place.

A few minutes later, everyone was back in the car again. Zelda turned to Pichu, holding open a laptop displaying a webpage.

"Pichu," Zelda said, "This is fanfiction."

* * *

Yes, I did the "incorporate fanfiction into the story" thing. Don't worry, it won't come up too much. And I have nothing against the genres of manga I listed, I just wanted to put together the least age appropriate thing I could think of. And I used Yaoi instead of another romantic relationship gender classification (I don't know what the proper name is) because of Pichu's upcoming idea for a story. It'll be in the next chapter, which I have to rewrite. Which will also come out maybe/maybe not within the next year. After all, New Years isn't that far away! And neither is Christmas! :D


	6. Chapter 5

Voila! I finally rewrote the next chapter! I hope it's not redundant- I'm starting to have some difficulty keeping up with what I've written and what I haven't- too many files. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, and thanks a bunch to those of you who reviewed, favourited, etc. You don't know how much I appreciate knowing some people actually like my stories!

* * *

Zelda was, for the first time in several days, finally enjoying her solitude.

Was she steal in the god damned car on a god damned journey for god damned Peach? Yes, she was.

What was different about today was that everyone was quiet, and peaceful. No fighting. No yelling. No inappropriate manga for preschoolers.

"Zelda."

Yes, today was going quite well. No one was bothering her.

"_Zelda_."

Not the irritating little green brat. Not the irritating big green brat. Not the idiotic ginger. Not moronic blue-haired... what the hell did you called someone with blue hair anyways?

"Zelda!"

Who the hell had blue hair anyways? Putting that aside, the stupid yellow mouse wasn't bothering her either...

"_Zelda_!"

But wait, didn't she like...

"Marth?"

No, not him, Pichu. But speaking of Marth, hadn't he been making some kind of incomprehensible wheezing sound a minute ago?

"Marth?" Roy asked again, leaning forward, "Is something wrong?"

Marth, turned around in the front seat to glare at Zelda, turned the glower on Roy, "_Yes_, something's wrong. I'm trying to communicate with a certain _princess_, but she seems to be otherwise preoccupied."

Zelda turned away from the mirror, tugging out her earbuds, "Hm?"

Marth seethed, "Those aren't even on, are they?"

Zelda frowned lightly at him as she began to wind up the cord of her earbuds, "That's ridiculous. Of course I was listening to something."

"What then?" Marth demanded.

Zelda finished winding up the cord- yanking the unattached end from her pocket- and scowled at Marth, "Silence. You interrupted it."

Marth grunted, returning the scowl, "You can listen to silence just as easily up here."

Zelda covered her mouth in mock surprise, "You want me to sit in your lap? Oh no, this is all too sudden Marth!"

Marth just rolled his eyes, "I was thinking more along the lines of switching seats, seeing as it's _your _turn to sit up here."

Zelda mindlessly twirled her hair, then gave Marth a too sweet smile, "No thanks. I'm fine where I am."

"I wasn't asking." Marth snapped.

Zelda's happy expression shattered, revealing the unamused scowl underneath, "I didn't think you were."

Roy watched the exchange warily, debating whether he should intervene before one of them gutted/electrocuted/set the other on fire. He wasn't sure which would be worse- Zelda furious, or Marth furious. But as much as he hated dealing with a raging Marth, he was thinking he'd put his money on Zelda.

Deciding it was best to leave the two alone, Roy settled back and glanced at Young Link's gameboy. Pichu was sitting on the other side of the boy, next to Zelda, with her own special pikachu/pichu edition game boy colour.

"What are you guys doing?" Roy asked, to which Pichu flicked the cable connecting the gameboys, not once moving her eyes from the screen.

"Pokemon battle."

Roy nodded and continued watching Young Link's screen. After a moment, he observed, "You're getting your ass kicked."

"I know!" Young Link wailed, holding down 'B' with all his might.

"You know that doesn't work." Pichu informed him, watching her opponents health bar drain to zero with uncontainable malicious glee.

"My corsola's dead!" Young Link exclaimed before bursting into tears.

In reply, Pichu cackled, "Your Kingdra's about to be too."

Roy looked between the two and sighed.

Meanwhile, Zelda and Marth were still glaring at each other.

"And why, prey-tell, do you want to switch seats so much?"

Marth jabbed a finger towards Link, who was quietly driving the car, "Because of him."

Zelda cocked an eyebrow, "Look, I know you two don't quite see eye to eye-"

"He hates me." Marth snapped.

"-But that doesn't mean you shouldn't learn to tolerate each other." Zelda shook her head, "Really Marth, I expected more from you."

Marth opened his mouth to retort, only for Link, eyes not leaving the road and left hand not leaving the wheel, to jab him in the ribs.

With a cough of surprise, Marth quickly caught his breath and, shooting Link a glare, turned back to Zelda, "See! That's why I want to switch. He wouldn't hit his_ precious princess_."

Zelda curled her lip, "So what? Hit him back."

"_He's driving the car!" _Marth exclaimed, barely finishing the sentence before Link punched him in the gut, achieving the hit at an awkward angle while still watching the road.

"_Switch _with me!" Marth demanded, voice half gasping.

Instead of replying, Zelda bent to look at Pichu's gameboy screen, "Wow, you're really kicking his ass."

"I know!" Pichu replied perkily.

"_Why?_!" Young Link cried.

"Because you have a shitty party and no strategy." Pichu replied to the rhetorical question, which only increased the crying.

"Zelda!" Marth snapped, while trying to keep Link from clawing his eyes out.

Zelda started to rub her temples. It had been so nice and quiet just a little while ago...

"One more to go!" Pichu exclaimed maniacally.

Zelda took her earbuds out of her pocket.

"_No_!" Young Link sobbed.

Zelda began to unwind the cord.

"_Zelda_!" Marth all but yelled as Link started unsheathing his sword.

Zelda put her earbuds in.

Just as Link was about to draw his sword, Marth hit him in the head with the chai tea thermos Zelda had left up front. It was a very big, very metal thermos.

Link's hand fell abruptly off his sword as his head hit the window and his eyes rolled back in his head. Marth stared at Link a moment, struck by how familiar this pose was to when Link had seen Pichu's manga. Then the car started to skid off the road.

Marth quickly caught the wheel, kicking Link's foot off the pedal immediately after. Heaving a sigh of relief, he sat back in his own seat and ran a hand through his hair.

Marth had barely settled when Zelda kicked the back of his chair so hard it folded forward, slamming his head against the dashboard.

"You _idiot_!" Zelda roared, "Why the hell did you hit him? He was _driving_!"

Marth tried to blink past the stars long enough to tell Zelda that's what he'd said to her, but she kicked his chair again, pressing her foot even harder, crushing his head between the seat and the dashboard.

And then Marth wasn't seeing stars. He wasn't seeing anything.

As the knight faded into oblivion, he heard someone speak words that he would unconsciously go by for the rest of his life:

"Never go up against a party full of level one hundred pichus. You're guaranteed to lose."

* * *

It's good advice, I think. Also, if you noticed Young Link had a DS in previous chapters, and now suddenly has a gameboy, it's because he has both and they're playing silver/crystal/gold. Oh, and the special edition gameboy pichu has is actually so awesome! If you've never seen it, look it up! I have one and it's amazingly cute (but kind of faded from years of playing)

One more thing, then I'll shut up. A question: Should I explain the seating arrangement at the beginning of each chapter, or just leave it up to my mediocore descriptions? You don't have to answer, but if you're going to review maybe you could let me know? Thanks!


	7. Chapter 6

This one's short, sorry about that! The latest chapters I've written for both my fanfics have been short. Anyways, I just finished writing this one, as in I finished it and jumped online, so it might be kind of sloppy. If so, sorry about that, but I wanted to get it up! I'll write the next chapter soon, but I can't promise when. It might be short too though.

Enjoy! (It would be weird if I said 'Hate it!' instead, wouldn't it?)

* * *

The next day the atmosphere in the car was tense.

Young Link was angry at Pichu for publishing a drama romance Link/Young Link fanfiction. Pichu was angry at Link for hacking onto her account and deleting said fanfiction. Link was angry at Marth for existing. Marth (perhaps the only one with a legitimate case) was angry at Zelda for knocking him out the day before. And Zelda was angry at everyone because it was indeed that time of the month.

Roy was the only one who was moderately close to being happy, and so he sat in shot-gun, next to Link, not talking to anybody.

It was quiet for a long, long time as Link drove steadily down the freeway. In the end it was Young Link- may he rest in peace- that broke the silence, shaking his DS with a deep frown, "The battery died."

Young Link glanced at Pichu, who was on the dashboard continuing the lego master piece she had up till this point shirked. Normally, Pichu would charge his DS for him, being an electric pokemon. But Young Link was still too upset over what he'd found on Pichu's laptop to ask for her help.

So instead Young Link took out the battery pack and tried to charge it using the tension in the air. When that promptly failed, Young Link turned to Zelda.

"Hey Zelda, can you charge this?"

Zelda scowled darkly at the boy, "Why the hell are you asking me?"

"Because you can zap people with electric stuff." Young Link replied, "So you're kind of like a charger."

Because of Zelda's current state, she was even more temperamental than normal. Up till this point, her anger had been focussed on every living thing but, by speaking and- what's more- addressing her directly, Young Link had drawn attention to himself.

"You little brat!" Zelda shrieked, "I'm going to kill you!"

"Oh, lay off the kid, Zelda." Marth snapped, staring moodily out his window, "Why don't you put that tampon to better use and shove it down your throat instead."

If Marth had been a woman, this too would have been his time of the month.

"You prick!" Zelda screeched, focus entirely on Marth now, "I'll burn you to a crisp for that!"

During the exchange, Young Link was torn between appreciating his idol for saving him, cowering from Zelda the she-beast and puzzling over what 'tampon' and 'prick' meant.

Marth slid his eyes towards Zelda, narrowing them as he smiled maliciously, "You like burning people, don't you? You know pyromania's a sign of sexual tension."

This time, Zelda portrayed her fury in actions instead of words. Reaching for the nearest heavy object, Zelda swung what appeared to be a roll of parchment at Marth, only to miss in her blind rage and hit Young Link instead.

The boy collapsed, but nobody cared. Zelda raised the weapon to try and hit Marth again, only for the knight to frown and say, "Isn't that the map Peach gave us?"

Stopping mid-swing, Zelda lowered her arm and examined the object. It was indeed the rolled up map.

"What's this doing back here..." Zelda murmured. Suddenly, something occured to her and her eyes slid up to rest on the back of Link's head, "Hey Link..."

"Yes, my love?" Link asked, turning around in his sead.

"I have a question..."

"Ask away, my love. Whatever you desire to hear, just tell me and I shall answer!"

Zelda held up the map, "Have you been using this?"

Link, still smiling, replied: "No!"

Now what happened next may sound impossible, but anything can be done when the Princess of Hyrule (who just happens to be on her period) is seriously pissed off.

Somehow, Zelda managed to kick Link in the face. Even though they were in a small, crowded car, Zelda shot her leg up in a very swift, precise kick and nailed Link with the flat of her toe and the edge of her heel.

Everyone in the car froze, watching as Link slithered down in his seat and Zelda slowly drew back her leg.

"Get up." Zelda growled at Link, face hidden by her hair.

Hurrying to oblige, Link righted himself and gripped the wheel, his hands shaking so badly this simple task was nearly impossible.

"Now drive." Zelda hissed, "And keep driving until we reach the next gas station."

Link swallowed and stepped on the gas, "M-may I ask why, my princess?"

"Of course." Zelda replied, pushing her hair from her face to reveal a far too cheery smile, "I need to buy some lemon juice and a stake knife."

* * *

Another chapter down, and I'm finally getting around to the point of this story. (Actually, there isn't a point, I just wanted to put them in a car and see what I could write, but let's pretend I knew where this was going all along, ok?) I'll update as soon as possible!


	8. Chapter 7

Here's the next chapter! I was finally able to write a few, so I'll update again tomorrow!

Enjoy!

* * *

"Where's Marth?"

The car was parked by the side of the road and everyone was standing on the ground a few feet away. Zelda was holding onto the map, not looking particularly pleased. Link was nursing his bandaged arm, to which Zelda had taken the steak knife she had bought not long before. The others (only Roy) had stopped her before she could make use of her other product.

"Where's Marth?" Young Link asked again.

"Ok," Zelda began sourly, "So we've tried to open it which didn't work. What now?"

Roy glanced at the map, stroking his chin thoughtfully before suggesting, "How about spin the bottle?"

Zelda scowled at him.

" Where's Marth?"

"Just hear me out." Roy went on, "Peach said that thing shows us whatever we desire, right? Something like that, at least. If we spin it then maybe it will point towards we want."

Zelda considered a moment, then shrugged in irritation, "It's worth a shot." turning, Zelda thrust the map towards Link, "Here. You're empty headed enough to make yourself think you want the same thing as Peach."

Though Link was puzzled by Zelda's words, he accepted the map and sent it spinning on the ground. Everyone stood around it in a circle, waiting. The map came to a stop, pointing at...

"My love!" Link exclaimed, leaping for Zelda, arms outstretched.

Zelda quickly sent him flying with a blast of electricity. Turning back to the group, she pointed at Roy, "You next."

Roy knelt down and spun the map. Seconds later it stopped, pointing towards Roy himself.

"Typical." Zelda snorted.

When no one was looking, Roy kissed the back of his hand.

"Guys, where's Marth?" Young Link tried again.

"Your turn." Zelda informed Pichu, who reached for the map.

This time when the object stopped, it was pointing to an area behind Pichu. Curious, the pokemon went to investigate. Not long after, she called out in excitement, "Hey guys! There's a coin block back here!"

A moment later the Mario coin sound came from the direction Pichu had gone. Zelda and Roy sighed.

"_Where's Marth?_" Young Link shrieked.

Zelda picked up the map and hit Young Link over the head with it, "You."

Rubbing the abused spot, Young Link took the map and spun it on the ground. It stopped not long after, pointing towards the car- the trunk to be specific.

"Hey," Roy observed, "Isn't that where Marth is?"

"Marth!" Young Link exclaimed happily, running to the car.

Grumbling, Zelda picked up the map, "The only way to do something right..."

The map spun a few circles, then came to a slow, deliberate stop- pointing in the same direction it had before.

"Don't say anything?" Zelda shrieked at Roy, who hadn't even had time to process what was going on, and stomped off in a huff.

Later, when Young Link and Pichu were back in the car, Zelda had Roy and Link unlock the trunk. Moments after, Marth was standing in front of them, in absolutely no mood to cooperate.

"Why the hell did you-" Marth began, only to be cut off when Zelda hit him too with the map, except in the stomach.

After the first time she'd hit Young Link, Zelda had discovered the map had some kind of metal object- like a pipe- wrapped inside. She had no idea what it was, but it made a good weapon.

"Spin this." Zelda ordered.

Marth glowered at her and snatched the map away, "Why not just open it?"

Zelda raised an eyebrow at him, lowering it almost immediately after. They'd already tried that, in the car. But while making a futile attempt to open the map- which seemed to be super glued together- Zelda's hand had slipped and she'd "accidentally" hit Marth in the head. He'd lost consciousness and so Zelda decided they should put him in the trunk.

Why? Because Marth would have woken up far too soon for Zelda's liking, and she still hadn't quite forgiven him (was still holding a very powerful grudge) for the fire comment.

Either way, it appeared that the hit had caused Marth to lose some of his memory.

That worked for Zelda.

"We tried it after you fell asleep." Zelda replied to Marth's previous question.

The knight scowled at her, "Which brings us back to why I woke up in the trunk."

Zelda waved it away, "Hurry up. The sooner you spin the map, the sooner we can get out of here."

Marth gave the map a puzzled look, "That's how you're going to use it? 'Spin the map'?" he snorted, unimpressed, "Who came up with that genius idea?"

Roy scratched the back of his head, "Uh, that would be me."

Marth wasn't surprised. "Fine." he sighed and knelt down.

The map spun a couple of times then stopped. It was pointing in the direction they'd been heading all along.

Zelda clapped her hands together, "That was a wonderful waste of time! Link, get the map. Roy, you're driving. Marth, close the trunk." and with her orders delivered, Zelda headed for the car.

When Roy slid into the driver's seat next to her and closed his door, Zelda flicked the locks. "Drive." she said.

Roy gave her a confused look, "But Marth's still-"

They heard the trunk slam shut.

"Drive." Zelda said again.

And so Roy drove.


	9. Chapter 8

Next Chapter! We're nearing the end now! I wonder what will happen? ;)

Enjoy!

* * *

It was around an hour after 'spin the map' that their surroundings started to change. The barren wasteland had quite suddenly turned into a lush green forest. Following the scenery change, they started seeing a good deal of mushrooms.

A few minutes later, Link started making excited noises in back, "I just saw something in the woods!"

"What was it?" Roy asked, when no one else showed any sign of caring.

"I don't know." Link replied, frowning, "Marth's breath is fogging up the window. Why's he doing that again."

Marth (who had finally caught up with the car when they stopped to fill the engine) shoved Link away from him, "Stop leaning across me. Look out your own window."

"There it is again!" Link exclaimed, pushing past Marth to point out his window, "And Marth's breath didn't fog it up this time! Does that mean he stopped breathing? I hope he's dead."

"Get off me!" Marth snapped the same time Roy asked: "So what was it?"

"It looked like a short person wearing a mushroom hat." Link said, stroking his chin, "Very suspicious..."

"Well now that you've come to that conclusion..." Marth muttered, trying in vein to get Link away from him.

"Another one!" Link exclaimed, quickly rolling down the window and sticking his head out, "Hey you! What are you?"

"Me?" Elder Toad asked, "I'm Elder Toad! Welcome to the Mushroom Kingdom!"

A moment later, Link popped back into the car and said solemnly: "I couldn't understand a word he said. I think he's Hungarian- and carnivorous besides."

And so Link was kicked out of the car.

It was rather comfortable with only five passengers, the correct number for a vehicle of such size. And so the group continued their journey in harmony. Until the road ended.

Roy pulled the car to a stop and sat back, "So what now?"

Zelda was just about to suggest they search for a cake shop when a beeping noise filled the silence. It sounded quite close, as if it were coming from somewhere inside the car. Searching in the glove compartment, Zelda found the noisy object.

Drawing it into the light she was horrified to find it was a small, metal Peach head. The pinched pink mouth was open, emitting the sound that was actually a high-pitched repetition of "Peach! Peach! Peach! Peach!". The eyes were also open and glowing red.

"I think that means we're close." Marth said dryly, scowling at the disturbing object.

Zelda shoved it at Roy, "Go outside and walk around until something eventful happens."

Roy obliged, but he wasn't gone long. He returned less than a minute later, "I think I found something."

Everyone got out of the car and followed Roy. A few feet away from where the road ended stood Toad. Roy held the object towards him and it started beeping like crazy.

Scowling suspiciously, Zelda grabbed the object from Roy and sauntered right up to Toad. Stopping, she dropped it on his head. The Peach head started bleating so frantically it broke. Toad fell over from the impact, unconscious.

Zelda turned back to the others and spoke to Marth and Roy, "Put him in the trunk."

A few minutes later they were back on the road, finally heading home. Everyone was content.

Except Young Link, who had realized something.

"Hey guys?" He asked, "Where's Link?"

And so they kicked out Young Link, and everyone realized how blissful a Linkfree world could really be.

-**(AN: I still can't get the spacing to work. T.T)**-

They'd nearly left the Mushroom Kingdom when a ringing filled the car.

Seconds later, Zelda had withdrawn a sleek black cellphone from the folds of her dress. Snapping it open she pressed it to her ear, "Talk to me Luigi."

The car was silent a long time while Zelda, tightlipped, nodded at what she was being told. Nobody dared asked what the hell was going on.

Finally, Zelda pulled the cellphone from her ear and clicked it shut.

"What happened?" Marth asked, as grave as Zelda.

"It's what we thought." Zelda replied, while Roy and Pichu glanced between them in puzzlement. "It was a lie."

Marth narrowed his eyes, "What now?"

"Now," Zelda said, "We have no time to lose. Roy," Zelda addressed the other knight, "Get out. I'm driving."

Roy got out, giving Zelda a confused look. But before he could walk around to get in on the other side, Zelda had started the car, speeding ahead without looking back.

Roy wasn't pleased in the least- at least, not until he found a weeping Toadette, wondering where her boyfriend was. Then he was very pleased, because even if Toadette was, well, a female Toad, she was very deserving of the _ette_.

* * *

I only have a couple of chapters left to write, but I have the next one already done, so I'll update tomorrow! Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 9

This Chapter is insanely short. Sorry about that. I'll get the next one out as soon as I can! (hopefully tomorrow!)

Enjoy!

* * *

The distance that had taken them more than a week to go Zelda covered in less than two hours.

Pichu had expected the Princess to drive them right to, and through Peach's castle at Smash Stadium, roaring right into the sitting room and not stopping until Peach was grounded into her own carpet.

But instead they went to Dairy Queen.

While Marth and Zelda waited in a very busy line, Pichu perched on a barstool and spun herself back and forth. The pokemon was so intent on her current occupation, she almost didn't notice when something hopped up on the stool beside her.

Glancing out of the corner of her eye, Pichu almost gagged. Whatever it was, it was disgusting. It looked like a brown bunny that had been used as a stick for yellow cotton candy.

"Buneary!" it said.

"Ew." said Pichu, and went on to ignore it's existence.

Marth came over a few minutes later and passed Pichu the oreo ice-cream she'd requested, before returning to the counter to help Zelda decide on whatever it was she desperately needed to buy.

Just as Pichu had raised the ice-cream filled spoon to her lips, she noticed the ugly thing gawking at her. She gave it a pudgy finger that didn't really have much meaning since pichus have four fingers and thus no middle, and returned to her dessert.

"Buneary!" the gross thing exclaimed again.

Pichu stuck her tongue out at it, "This is mine."

The thing frowned at Pichu, then suddenly gave a sweet smile and winked, a little heart floating from it's forehead.

Pichu swatted the heart away, "Leave me alone."

Buneary's frown deepened but she didn't give up. Instead she fluttered her eyes charmingly at Pichu, who replied by looking away and shovelling more ice-cream onto her spoon.

Buneary stomped her foot, agitated, and started making high-pitched grunting sounds. This only made Pichu curl her lip, "Can you not make that sound in public? Or even better; just don't go out in public."

Buneary, about to explode, changed her mind and instead squeezed her eyes shut tight. Pichu ignored the ugly thing's ugly actions and turned back to her ice-cream... just in time to see it disappeared.

Pichu, open-mouthed, gaped over at Buneary, who was holding onto her ice-cream, beaming, "Buneary!"

Pichu seethed and started think deep, horrible thoughts, then roared, "Prepare to face my hidden Power!"

After which she punched Buneary square in the face.

The ice-cream fell to the floor, but by now it was about far more than the dessert (ok, it wasn't, but both pokemon were severally pissed off so they didn't care what it was about.)

What happened next was a battle that would make even Ash age a year, finally turning eleven.

In the end, Pich electrified herself, turning into a little electric bullet, and launched herself off her stool right at Buneary. Both were knocked out on the spot.

In all honesty, Marth and Zelda didn't even realize the pokemon was gone.

* * *

So there goes Pichu. Oh, and I have a challenge for you guys! There's not really any prize besides knowing you're a pokemon master, but see if you can guess the four attacks Buneary used on Pichu and the three attacks Pichu used on Buneary! I'll post the answers in the last chapter! Thanks for reading guys!


	11. Chapter 10

Well here it is, the second last chapter. I'll post the last chapter tomorrow. The LAST CHAPTER! And then this story will be changed to 'complete' and I will be very happy and go on to finish my other fanfiction. :)

Enjoy!

* * *

About ten minutes after leaving Dairy Queen, Zelda slammed the car to a halt in front of Peach's castle.

Not bothering to alert anyone to their arrival, Zelda simply stomped through the halls and up the stairs, Marth in her wake, until she finally exploded into Peach's sitting room.

Peach was in the middle of taking a sip of tea. Spotting Zelda, she calmly put the mug back down and gave the other princess a far too chipper smile, "Hello Zelda, Marth. I had no idea you'd returned."

Zelda replied by blasting Peach's coffee table in two.

Peach blinked at it, then Zelda, not seeming overtly fazed. Curious, if anything.

"You lied to us." Zelda growled, "You never intended to give us the cake, even if we brought you what you wanted. It was all a lie."

"Not _quite_." Peach stressed, "I fully intended to give you a cake... I just don't see it as being very proper for a lady to eat cake when it isn't her birthday, so I was going to give it to you then."

"Not... _proper_...?" Zelda clamped a hand over her mouth, horrified. A moment later, she was jabbing an accusatory finger at Peach, "_Blasphemy_!"

Peach waved her away flippantly, "That _was _the deal you know. If you brought me back what I wanted, then I'd give you the cake. I just didn't specify when. Which reminds me, did you find it?"

Zelda scowled darkly at the other princess, "And why the hell would I tell you that?"

Peach frowned, a small downward turn of her lips, "We'll play it like that, will we? Fine." Peach clapped her hands twice and a section of the floor by her chair fell away. A moment later it reappeared, carrying Luigi. He was tied and gagged much as Mario had been at the beginning of their journey.

Peach narrowed her eyes at Zelda, "Did you really think I didn't know who your little mole was?"

Zelda returned the glare, "How did you find out?"

"I have my ways."

Leaning against the door, Marth fought the urge to sigh. Not counting Mario, who hadn't been seen for a week, Peach and Luigi were the only ones in the castle. Of course she'd know it was him.

But he wouldn't mention that aloud. Neither woman looked in the mood.

Zelda flexed her hands at her sides, flames slashing to life in her palms, "There's only one way to settle this, Peach."

Peach whipped out a remote with a large pink, peach shaped button, "You won't get out of here alive."

Before Marth could open the door all hell broke loose. Zelda set the room aflame the same moment Peach pushed the button and sent a whole army of bullet bills shooting from the walls.

Marth wasn't sure what exactly happened in the chaos. Though he was relatively safe against the wall, he did have to dodge a few bullet bills that came through the flames and carried on through the door, along with the scattered fires that licked at his cape.

There was a sudden, shrill, feminine scream. Minutes later Zelda appeared. dragging the still bound Luigi, looking pissed at most.

"We're leaving." she snapped, not even bothering to look at Marth as she blasted a hole through the door.

With a glance back at the smoke filled room, Marth followed after her, preferring time with Zelda to the no doubt venomous Peach.

Outside, Zelda flicked Luigi down the steps and let out an irate groan, "I knew I shouldn't have accepted that invitation!"

Marth raised an eyebrow at her but soon remembered the invitation he himself had been sent for tea a week ago and found himself agreeing.

"I hate Peach!" Zelda fumed before marching to the car. Finding himself in agreement again, Marth followed after her.

The two had just reached the car, and Zelda had just stuck the key in the trunk, when something green came out of nowhere and charged Marth.

Luckily, Marth ducked in time and the green thing hurtled over his head, clattering to the ground behind him.

"Damn you Marth!" Link shouted, jumping to his feet moments after the fall, sword drawn between himself and the knight, "How dare you kidnap my lady! I challenge you to a duel!"

Marth scowled at Link, "I didn't kidnap her. She kicked you out of the car."

Link howled and launched himself at Marth again, who would have easily side-stepped if a weight hadn't attached itself to his back at that very moment.

The next thing Marth knew he, Link and Young Link were in a heap on the ground.

"Leave Marth alone!" Young Link screamed at Link, clinging to Marth even as the knight tried to get up, "He's ten times the elf you'll ever be!"

"I'm not an elf." Marth grunted, pulling at Young Link's arm.

"He's ten times the Hyrulian you'll ever be!" Young Link shrilly amended.

"I'm not from Hyrule."

"He's ten times the... wait, you're not?" Young Link looked at Marth, suddenly very confused.

"I'm not." Marth verified, just about to give up on dislodging the boy when he dislodged himself.

Coming around to stand in front of Marth, Young Link demanded, "Then where are you from?"

"Altea."

Young Link furrowed his brow, "Never heard of it."

Marth only sighed.

"There you guys are!" a voice he knew all too well called out. Marth suppressed a shudder and turned to watch Roy walking towards them. By the time Roy reached them however, he was completely focussed on his phone.

While Zelda tried in vein to get the trunk open, the others waited for Roy to put his phone away. When he did, he let out a low whistle, "That Toadette sure can talk."

Marth raised an eyebrow at him, "Isn't that Toad's girlfriend?"

Roy shrugged, then smirked to himself. Marth wanted to gag but didn't. Young Link was blushing at the word 'girlfriend' (one of the only relationship related words he actually understood, and wished he didn't because girls have cooties and they're stupid). Link was in the process of circling Marth, waiting for an opening on a target who wasn't doing anything at all.

And Zelda was still struggling with the trunk.

That's when a stout, yellow figure appeared on the horizon. Everyone looked up to find Pichu- bloodied and aged. Her eyes were cold, emotionless hollows.

She said one thing and one thing only: "It was one hundred generations too early to beat me." Then she waddled to the car and collapsed against a tire.

That's when Zelda stepped back and blasted the trunk with a beam of electricity. Everyone except Pichu jumped. Young Link shrieked.

But when Zelda lowered her arm, the trunk was still intact.

"_Damn it!_" Zelda roared, "_Why won't it open?_"

Marth, slowly so as not to alert Zelda, approached the trunk and picked up the key ring Zelda had tossed aside.

"You were using the wrong one." Marth muttered before unlocking the trunk and pushing it back.

About to snap at Marth for being a smart-ass, Zelda stopped when she spotted the DQ box and hurried forward, pushing the blue-haired knight out of the way.

Picking up the box next to the squirming, tied up, fully awake and glowering Toad, Zelda slammed the trunk on him so she had somewhere to lay the box.

"Is that...?" Roy started. Everyone had gathered around the trunk.

Zelda grinned fiendishly at the box, "Yes. Cake."

Since Zelda didn't look like she was going to explain anytime soon, Marth decided to take the task upon himself, "We had a feeling Peach would go back on the deal, so Zelda had Luigi help us in return for getting him out of the castle. Before we came here we got cake to, well, celebrate I guess, after confronting Peach..." Marth trailed off, the urge to hit someone flaring when he realized no one had been listening.

Zelda, as oblivious to Marth as everyone else was, reached out and with tentative, shaking hands started to open the box.

This was what she'd wanted, what she'd worked for, what she'd waited for. All this time, and she was finally about to take a big mouthful of...

...melted sludge?

Zelda gawked at the watery mess that had been her cake, stunned.

"W-what happened?" she finally managed, breathless.

"It melted." Marth said tiredly, then sighed, "I told you it was too warm out here. We should have bought it after, or found a fridge."

"But..." Zelda started helplessly, "Cake doesn't melt..."

"Ice-cream cake does."

"Ice-cream...?" Zelda gave Marth a puzzled look, "What are you talking about?"

Marth raised an eyebrow at her, "You did know you were buying an ice-cream cake, right? As in a cake made of ice-cream."

Zelda frowned from him to the box, "But... ice-cream can't be cake."

About to try and explain, Marth decided it would be a wasted effort and simply melded into the background, hoping to avoid the explosion that was sure to come.

Which it did.

Link ended up suffering most of the rage, unwillingly acting as a buffer for the rest of them, but Young Link got knocked around a bit too.

What eventually calmed Zelda down was when Pichu (who had taken cover in the car) came out with her covered lego master-piece and offered it to the princess.

"This is for you Zelda." Pichu said, "It took awhile but I finally finished it."

Zelda hesitantly accepted the gift. Taking off the cover, she found a giant lego cake. Zelda stared at it a long time, then turned on her heels and began to march away.

When nobody followed, Zelda sent a ferocious glare over her shoulder and snapped, "Hurry up, will you? I'm hungry!"

And so the others followed after Zelda, who seemed prepared to rip apart whatever and whoever were between her and the nearest cake shop.

Sighing, Marth shook his head and started after them. He hadn't really expected anything less than this.

"Marth! Get your ass up here!" Zelda shouted, "You're paying!"

And that too, he had expected.

* * *

There you have it! Now it may seem kind of complete, but there's still the epilogue. Thanks for reading!


	12. Epilogue

This is it, the end. Thanks so much for staying with me guys, and thanks a bunch for your reviews! You don't know how much I appreciate it! I'll finish my other story next, and then probably go on to write another (with these characters, of course ;) But thanks for sticking with this one!

Enough moaning from me. Here are the pokemon attacks used in chapter 9: Buneary used attract, charm, frustration and switcheroo in that order, and Pichu used nasty plot, hidden power, and volt tackle. And yes, I am a very big pokemon geek.

On to the Epilogue!

* * *

It was late that night when a lone figure returned to the courtyard, and the car.

Making a beeline for the trunk, Marth stopped when he heard a muffled noise nearby. Glancing over, he found Luigi, trying to scream through the gag. Realizing then that they'd left without untying him, Marth hurried to amend that.

After he'd freed Luigi and received perfuse thanks, Marth quietly suggested the plumber escape Peach's castle. Once he was alone again, Marth went back to the car.

Opening the trunk, Marth came eye to eye with a fuming Toad. Knowing what he was about to unleash, Marth sighed and pulled out Toad's gag.

The first thing he was met with was a long line of spluttering curses, which he did his best to ignore while untying Toad.

"What the hell was all that about?" Toad demanded, furious, "I thought we had a deal, Marth! Or did something change?"

"Nothing changed." Marth sighed, fishing around in his pockets, "The deal's still on. I'm sorry about the, um, kidnapping though. That was something else."

"You better be sorry..." Toad growled, but fell silent when Marth withdrew his wallet. Before the knight could do anything, Toad snatched it away, "I'll just take that... reasonable compensation, I'd think."

Marth ran a hand through his hair, "Ok, fine. Can I just have the... package... now?"

Grumbling, Toad pulled off his mushroom hat and stuck a hand inside. A minute later he pulled out a folder and handed it to Marth, "It's all there."

Marth nodded and moved to walk away, then hesitated, "No one will know about this?"

"Not a soul." Toad promised, resettling his hat.

Nodding again, mind elsewhere, Marth shut the trunk and walked away, not even realizing Toad was still inside.

Marth was entirely consumed in his own world, impervious to Toad's angry screeches as he opened the folder and drew out one of the pictures. Sure, Zelda would kill him if she found out, but he'd managed to get away with these purchases up till now, and he couldn't see anything changing any time soon.

Sighing happily, Marth put the picture of the blonde elf away again and quickly tucked the folder inside his tunic. They were good shots-rivalling his best. They'd be a wonderful addition to his collection.

It wasn't long after Marth left the courtyard that Luigi returned, realizing with a greater level of distress than he'd care to admit that he'd forgotten his signature hat.

Retrieving the item and placing it on his head, Luigi was startled to hear noises coming from the trunk.

"Mario?" Luigi called out, his voice shaky.

The yelling grew louder.

Swallowing hard, Luigi approached the trunk and tipped it back. He didn't find Mario, but he did find a highly unamused Toad.

"Oh." Toad said flatly, "It's you."

Luigi stepped back to let Toad leap out of the trunk. He watched curiously as Toad took off his hat and, after fumbling around a moment, yanked out a package.

"Here," Toad said, holding it out, "You can deliver this to Peach. Tell her I'll send the bill."

Not knowing what else to do, Luigi accepted the package and watched as Toad muttered, "I'm outta here." and took off through the gates.

Staring helplessly at the package, Luigi started for the castle. He would just leave it in the hall with a note. That should suffice. He didn't want to have to face Peach again, but it would be morally wrong to just throw away the package.

Just as Luigi reached the steps he tripped and dropped it. Reaching for it, he realized the item that had been inside the package had fallen out.

Picking it up, Luigi next realized the item was a book. Peering at it closer- because it was very dark- Luigi began to make out small pictures.

When Luigi's eyes fully adjusted and he was able to see what was on the page, blood started gushing out of his mouth and nose as he collapsed on the ground.

Right at that moment Pichu walked by, in search of a missing lego. Spotting the book instead of the convulsing Luigi, she picked it up to inspect.

"Hey!" Pichu exclaimed happily when she realized what it was, "This is ecchi, smut, adult, yaoi manga collection 2!"

* * *

Hope you liked it and thanks for reading!

**The End!** (probably should have put that _above_ the line...)


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